Swimming

We return you now to the life and near-death times of our good friend Shmendrick. Shmendrick spent a while abroad in Germany, and while he was there he and a couple of his friends encountered a river. The river was at a place that was narrow-ish and curving, and the current near the bank they were on was slow.

Somehow these factors added up in Shmendrick's head to the need to swim across the river.

His friends tried to dissuade him, but were eventually persuaded to meet him on the other side. In full garb, Shmendrick jumped into the river and began to swim.

About halfway across, physics asserted itself; on the outside of the curve of a narrow part of the river, the current is FAST. Shmendrick found himself being carried quickly off course and struggling just to stay above the water. He told me later that he wasn't sure he would make it across at all, and was exhausted when he pulled himself up on the bank a couple of miles downstream.

When Shmendrick was telling me this story, about six months later, I laughed, called him an idiot and reminded him not to break The Rule (no dying). I then invited him to come swimming with me in a much safer environment: the PCU gymnasium. He agreed readily, and off we went.

I am something of a natural swimmer. I don't tire easily, once my muscles remember how the swimming thing goes, and I usually end up stopping around ten or fifteen laps because I need to go do something else rather than reaching my limit. After a half a lap at my slow, breaststroke pace, I look over to see Shmendrick flailing around in a semblance of a breathless front crawl, kicking up three times as much water as he needed to and turning red in the face from effort. I waited for him to reach me and asked if he was okay. He said he was fine but a little out of breath. I asked him if he was having more trouble than usual with the crawl, and he said no, he just wanted to do another lap. I persuaded him to catch his breath at least, then went back to swimming.

After perhaps a lap and a half, Shmendrick was past the point of endurance, red and sweating in the water, clearly cramping and having trouble breathing. I ordered him (yeah, I'm bossy) to get out and go sit.

When I got out several laps later, I couldn't help but ask, "And you decided to SWIM A RIVER?!"