The Jew Card

Recently, my friend Junebug's purse was stolen. While this stinks in many, many ways, the worst part is the irreplaceable object: her Jew card.

A Jew card, you ask? What on earth is that? I didn't know either, so I asked.

When Junebug was in middle school, she was working on a project in a group with two other students. She and the other girl were both mostly-secular Jews, and the third was a devout Catholic boy. The girls were fascinated by the concept of a devout anything, and asked him many questions. At one point, it came up that he was, in fact, a "card-carrying" Catholic, and had a card in his wallet identifying him as Catholic in case he died and no one knew that he wanted Catholic rites. This became a subject of much hilarity. Thus, it comes as little surprise to me that on Junebug and her friend's next Hannukah they both received photo identifications, made by the little Catholic boy, declaring their religion and personal information. This treasured card never left Junebug's side.

In fact, it even came in handy once or twice; when Junebug went to visit our friend Chelonia (on whom more later) out in the vastness of the western US, Chelonia's friends decided to take them to a sex shop kind of in the middle of nowhere. Everyone out there has driver's licenses; it only makes sense, what with the lack of public transportation. But Junebug grew up in a place with the subway and a half-decent bus network, and never had learned to drive. Nor, in fact, did she have any form of official photo ID except her passport, and who carries around their passport when they don't have to? So when the sex shop workers asked the group of young college kids for their IDs to make sure they were over 18, Junebug didn't know what to do. Chelonia said, give me your wallet; I will find something. A few moments of searching later, she looked up with a huge grin on her face and said, I found it, but you're not going to like it, and handed the Jew card over to the sex shop employees.

Now, Junebug had already been mortified at holding the group up by not having a regular photo ID, and seeing the sex shop workers marvel at her Jew card (for all they knew, this was a thing carried by all Jews) made her want to just run away, but after a brief time the sex store employees handed it back to her and, being satisfied that her date of birth and picture matched reality, sent the whole group on its way in.

Hell of a thing to lose. I only hope she can get a replacement someday.